How To Make Women and Men Happy?

How to keep a woman happy?.... Priceless!

It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:

1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber 
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
14. A sexologist 
15. A gynecologist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer 
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic 
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant 
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous 
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
44. Compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 
45. Give her compliments regularly
46. Love shopping
47. Be honest
48. Be very rich
49. Not stress her out
50. Not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes 

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

How to make a man happy?

 

1. Leave him alone!

Hahaha…

Eye Test..

Look at the picture below very carefully...



Have you noticed the girl in the background? Noticed her bum?
Well, look at the picture again.

If your answer is YES, then go and see an OPTOMETRIST.

Why? That’s because what you see is the shoulder of the girl taking the photo!!!
Hehehe..

Lawak

1) Seorang mahasiswa semester akhir menulis surat kepada ayahnya...

Ayah,
Saya merasa tidak selesa kerana terus menerus
menulis surat kepada ayah untuk meminta wang.
Saya merasa malu dan sedih. Saya ingin meminta
wang sebanyak Rm1000 dari ayah,

walaupun setiap bahagian tubuh saya memberontak.
Saya meminta dengan tulus dari hati saya yang paling dalam,
ayah maafkan saya.

Salam dari anakanda,
Sarip.

p/s Saya merasa berat hati untuk mengirimkan surat ini,
jadi saya cuba untuk mengejar posmen yang mengambil
surat ini dari dalam peti surat. Saya ingin mengambil kembali
surat ini dan membakarnya, kerana surat ini pasti menyusahkan hati ayah.
Saya berdoa dalam hati agar saya dapat semula surat ini,
tapi sudah terlambat.

Beberapa hari kemudian dia menerima balasan surat dari ayahnya yang mengandungi ayat yang ringkas..

Untuk Sarip,
"Nak, doamu sudah dimakbulkan.
Suratmu tidak pernah ayah terima"

Dari Ayahmu.


2) Seorang penumpang teksi mencuit bahu pemandu teksi yang dinaikinya. Terkejut dengan cuitan itu, pemandu teksi hilang kawalan menyebabkan teksinya melelong lalu melanggar divider jalan.

Selepas dapat memberhentikan teksinya, pemandu itu spontan bercakap. "Ingat…. Jangan sesekali buat begitu lagi. Awak menakutkan saya!"

Penumpang tadi meminta maaf sambil berkata: "Saya tak sangka pakcik terkejut sangat dengan cuitan saya tadi."

Dengan selamba pakcik itu menjawab: "Mau tak terkejut.. Yelah, ni hari pertama pakcik bawa teksi selepas 12 tahun jadi PEMANDU KERETA JENAZAH. kau faham-faham sajalah!"


3)Seorang kaya bersiar siar dalam sebuah kampung. Lalu tersempak la dengan sekeluarga miskin yang sedang memakan rumput…

Orang Kaya : Kenapa kau makan rumput ?

Orang Miskin : Aku makan rumput kerana aku terlalu lapar.

Orang Kaya : Sedap ke makan rumput ni ?

Orang Miskin : Setelah tak makan seminggu, rumput inilah makanan paling sedap.

Orang Kaya : Apa kata kalau kamu ikut aku ke rumahku. Aku belanja kamu makan besar.

Orang Miskin : Betul ke ni Orang Kaya? Boleh ke aku bawa keluarga aku bersama?

Orang Kaya : Boleh. Lagi ramai lagi bagus!

Orang Miskin : Terima kasih wahai Org Kaya. Tapi makanan cukup ke untuk kami sekeluarga yang ramai ni?

Orang Kaya : Gerenti cukup! Rumput lalang kat rumah aku tu lebih dua meter tinggi nye!


4) Dalam satu kelas darjah satu,seorang ustaz bertanya kepada pelajarnya..

"Kamu hendak ke mana?... syurga atau neraka?.. siapa yang hendak ke syurga..angkat tangan...!!" Maka, semua pelajarnya pun mengangkat tangan kecuali seorang murid.

Kemudian ustaz itu pun bertanya lagi, "siapa hendak ke neraka?"... Semua pelajar tidak mengangkat tangan termasuk seorang murid tadi... Dengan kehairanan ustaz itu bertanya..

"Bila saya tanya nak masuk syurga..awak tak angkat tangan.. bila saya tanya nak ke neraka pun awak tak angkat tangan... .habis awak nak ke mana??".

Jawab murid itu: "saya tidak mahu pergi ke mana ustaz.. bapa saya suruh saya datang sini belajar,dia pesan.. jangan pergi kemana-mana,tunggu sampai dia jemput"...

Malaysia Boleh! Semua Boleh!

The objective of STPM is to pass people?

How do you explain the fact that 87% of the students passed the examinations of the Sijil Tinggi Persekolahan Malaysia (STPM) recently? When during your grandfather's time only 10% would have passed?

Are students getting smarter? Or are STPM questions getting easier?

Let me put things in their proper perspective.

During your grandfather's time, they would ask exam questions like: "In what year did Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka ?" The correct answer was "1402", and they found that only 10% of the students managed to answer the question correctly. This didn't go down too well with the authorities, because the objective of the exams was to pass people.

I mean, what's the point of having exams if people fail? So later, they found another way to ask the same question:
"Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year:
a) 2001
b) 2004
c) 1986
d) 1975
e) 1402
Tick the correct answer."

The results were better in that 20% of the students passed. But it was still not good enough, so the authorities tried a different tactic a few years later.

"Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year 1402. True or false?" Well, half of the students guessed "True" and the other half guessed "False".

Fully 50% passed.

The results were getting pretty acceptable by now but still not good enough.

Most other countries would be satisfied with a 50% passing rate, but not us. We are a better country, because we are a boleh country. The authorities then cracked their heads and then came out with this one:

Read the following sentence carefully. "Parameswara, the cousin of Proton-Iswara, founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year 1402. Underline the name of the person who founded Melaka."

60% underlined "Parameswara", 30% underlined "Proton-Iswara" and 10% underlined "1402".
Yeah!!!!....60% managed to pass! So krever!

But for some reason, the authorities were still not contented. So last year, they came out with this gem:

"One day in the year 1402, Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka . Then he went home to have dinner. What did he eat?"

13% (smart students) handed in blank answers, 57% wrote "Maggi Mee", and 10% wrote "Kentucky Fried Chicken", and 20% wrote "Nasi Lemak". The official answer was anything concerning "Food" of course! After the marking was over, it was found that 87% of the students had passed.

87%!!!!!............now that's pretty impressive!

So it's true.
So now the authorities are very happy that the students are indeed getting smarter? Well done Boleh-land!

Note: I also confused when the minister keep changing the syllabus format, textbook, teaching language etc.. Kesian bebudak.. (this is just my thought!)

Secret of Success..

Sir, " What is the secret of your success?" a reporter asked a bank President.

"Two words."

"And, Sir, what are they?"

"Right decisions."

"And how do you make right decisions?"

"One word.'

"And, sir, What is that?"

"Experience. "

"And how do you get Experience?"

"Two words"

"And, Sir, what are they?"

"Wrong decisions "

Note: very simple, can be applied in our life.. :P

Queen & Dragon slayer

Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous breasts. Nick the Dragon Slayer was obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor. Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch. The King quickly summoned Nick. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and hailed as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King, and with a laugh told him to get lost. The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear, esp in the area nearest the arse. The King immediately summoned Nick.

The moral of the story - Pay your bills.. haha..

Smart Way of Working..

Maybe you can practice it.. hehe..
p/s: click image for better view..

Iklan Cari Menantu..

Iklan macam ni pun ada, ka?
Ada gadis2 yang mahu mencuba nasib? :P